Contents

Introduction

Know and notice the signs of dysregulation in yourself and others

Notice how you respond to other’s dysregulation, actively use your resources to regulate yourself in response and therefore offer co-regulation

SOS: Containment

ABC Technique

Remember to support others to regulate moment to moment

Workplace responsibility

Introduction

When humans interact, depending on their nervous system states, either coescalation or co-regulation can take place.

Co-escalation

Our emotional state can influence the emotional state of people around us. For example, co-escalation happens when one or both people move out of their window of tolerance into dysregulation, resulting in maladaptive behaviours, a breakdown in communication and crucially an increase in nervous system activation (fight, flight, freeze and fawn). Typically, there is a progressive escalation of tension, reaction, and retaliation, often hostility and aggression, and/or distress and shutdown.

Co-regulation

Co-regulation is the opposite of co-escalation. Co-regulation is the process whereby people help each other regulate their emotional and nervous system states. It happens when one person actively works on their self-regulation and through supportive actions helps the other person to reduce their stress response and emotional arousal. This is key in relationships between caregivers and those they provide care and support to, but also in all adult interactions during stressful situations, and anywhere and at any time there is a power differential. Examples of power differential include employer and employee, teacher and student, doctor and patient, adult and child. In these relationships, those holding the most power and privilege have the responsibility and a duty of care to offer co-regulation.

Learn More on How to Help Your Clients Understand Their Window of Tolerance

What is the window of tolerance and capacity? (Dr Dan Seigel)

The window of tolerance is often described as our zone of resilience—the state in which we can manage everyday stressors, stay regulated, and function effectively. Within this window, our nervous system can process arousal and emotional experiences without becoming overwhelmed. Our capacity refers to how much we can be with, tolerate, and digest the emotions, sensations, and experiences of the present moment. It is important to note that if someone’s window of tolerance is small to begin with (due to stress, trauma, the sensory environment or social processing differences) escalation and dysregulation can happen rapidly. In addition, everyone has varying limits in what they can tolerate physically, emotionally, socially, spiritually, psychologically, and verbally. Being able to identify signs of dysregulation in ourselves and others and choosing to de-escalate through self-soothing and co-regulation is key.

Why is this important in the workplace?

Staff who are stressed in their role and are not actively tending to their self-regulation can escalate tensions with the people they are supporting and with colleagues. Monitoring and maintaining self-regulation is essential for supporting co-regulation.

1. Know and notice the signs of dysregulation in yourself and others

We might notice the following signs of dysregulation in ourselves, our colleagues or those we support. It can be powerful to express and ‘own’ (i.e. take responsibility for) what we are experiencing. This action alone supports de-escalation.

2. Notice how you respond to other’s dysregulation, actively use your resources to regulate yourself in response and therefore offer co-regulation

Depending on the context, your relationship with the individual, and the situation, it may be helpful to guide others through co-regulation exercises. However, it is often more effective to focus on self-regulation, trusting that taking responsibility for how you respond and maintaining your own self-regulation will naturally support them.

How do you feel and react when someone becomes dysregulated around you? How can you support yourself and others to self-soothe?

We can self-soothe and support our body to complete the stress response via resources such as breathing, taking some time out and going for a walk, and self-holding exercises wherever we are. These resources release the stress. Examples of self-holding exercises include:

Activity: SOS Containment


Watch a short video demonstrating how to do this somatic exercise

This simple technique helps to reduce overwhelm due to external sensory overload or intense emotions and sensations. It contains and calms your body and reduces the stress response. It’s especially effective if someone talks through the steps and does the exercise alongside you.

• Place your right hand under your left armpit.

• Place your left hand around the top of your right arm.

• Notice your body without trying to change it.

• It seems so simple, yet the self-soothing and regulating effects are powerful as the exercise supports the body to feel held, witnessed and contained.

• If you can, say kind words to yourself at the same time, such as ‘I know this will pass’. This can deepen the impact of the exercise.

Activity: ABC Technique


Watch a short video demonstrating how to do this somatic exercise

This simple ABC technique will help to build capacity and nervous system regulation so that you are able to tolerate more intense emotions and sensations and process the stress response in your body more easily.

Anchor

Take your thoughts to your feet, bottom and pelvis. Feel their weight and connection to the ground (or the chair if you are sat down)

Breathe

Notice your breathing

Connect

Put your hands on your body where it feels most comfortable (or where you most strongly feel sensation or emotion). Connect with yourself.

3. Remember to support others to regulate moment to moment

Activity

Support others to regulate moment to moment, by frequently pausing and asking them:

• Are you too hot, or cold?

• Do you need the toilet?

• Do you need to hydrate?

• Do you need to stand up?

• Do you need to move?

4. Workplace responsibility

Activity: Workplace checklist

Creating a workplace culture of wellbeing and regulation for all staff is key.

This can be done by ensuring:

• Staff are trained and supported to recognise the signs of dysregulation in themselves and others.

• Those who hold positions of power and privilege take responsibility for de-escalation and co-regulation in the workplace and are expected to do so through values, training, policy and procedure.

• Role modelling and supportive behaviours are put in place, such as empathetic listening, demonstrating self-soothing activities, and offering verbal reassurance.

Want to learn more?

Our Neurodivergent Wellbeing Approach online training course explores this topic in more detail across eight chapters.

This course is a holistic, Neurodivergent-friendly wellbeing curriculum that offers a reflective space, education, and practical strategies for Neurodivergent individuals, their family members, friends, caregivers, and professionals who support them.