Navigating my relationship with my sister as an Autistic person
A Guest Contributor shares a poignant reflection on their sibling relationship, as a late-diagnosed Autistic person, and explores how patience, love and a shared history combine to support their commitment to understanding each other.
Family relationships are complicated for most people, but being Autistic adds another layer that is often invisible to the outside world. One of the most important, and at times most challenging, relationships in my life has been with my sister. Over the years, we’ve had to navigate differences in how we see the world, communicate, and show care for one another. Reflecting on this journey has made me realise how much patience, learning, and unspoken love lies behind the word sibling.
Growing up side by side
My sister and I grew up in the same house, surrounded by the same family traditions and expectations, but our experiences of childhood felt very different. For me, the world was often overwhelming – too loud, too bright and full of social rules I didn’t always understand. I often needed structure, predictability and alone time to cope. For her, things seemed more straightforward. She moved easily in social groups, understood jokes and sarcasm naturally, and didn’t seem to need the same routines that anchored me.
At times, this created tension. She couldn’t always understand why I would withdraw during family gatherings, or why something as small as a change of plan could send me into distress. From her perspective, it might have looked like stubbornness or even rudeness. From mine, it was survival.
Looking back, I can see that neither of us had the language to make sense of what was happening. I didn’t yet know I was Autistic and she didn’t have the tools to interpret my reactions as something other than difficult behaviour. We were two children trying to share the same world while living in slightly different versions of it.
The unspoken bond
Despite these clashes, there was always an undercurrent of loyalty between us. Siblings often share a language of their own – inside jokes, shared memories, a sense of solidarity when the outside world feels harsh. Even when we annoyed each other, I always knew my sister was someone who cared for me deeply, even if she didn’t always know how to show it in a way I could easily recognise.
As I grew older, I realised that love in sibling relationships isn’t always expressed in words. Sometimes it’s in the little gestures: her waiting for me after school so I didn’t have to walk home alone, or her sharing her music with me even when I didn’t get the lyrics. These moments mattered more than either of us probably realised at the time.
Learning to understand each other
Receiving my Autism diagnosis gave me a new lens through which to understand not only myself, but also my relationship with my sister. Suddenly, I had words to explain why I found certain things hard, and why I needed extra space at times. For her, it was a learning curve too – coming to terms with the idea that my brain processes the world differently and that some of the struggles she once thought were choices were actually neurological realities.
This shift didn’t magically solve everything, but it opened the door to more honest conversations. I could say, “I need quiet right now,” without as much guilt. She could ask questions instead of making assumptions. We both learned that empathy sometimes means stepping into each other’s shoes, even if those shoes don’t quite fit.
The challenges that remain
Even now, as adults, we sometimes stumble. There are moments when I feel she expects me to be more flexible than I can manage, or when I interpret her teasing too literally and feel hurt. Sibling relationships are never neat, they are made up of contradictions – closeness and distance, rivalry and alliance, frustration and love.
What I’ve learned
Reflecting on my relationship with my sister, I’ve learned a few important things:
Honesty matters. Clear communication – even if it feels awkward – is better than letting assumptions build.
Love can look different. Just because my sister doesn’t always express care in the ways I most easily recognise doesn’t mean it isn’t there.
Patience goes both ways. I ask her to be patient with my sensory needs and routines, but I also try to be patient with the ways she experiences and expresses the world.
Shared history is powerful. No one else knows my childhood in the way she does. That bond gives us a foundation to keep learning from each other.
Moving forward
My relationship with my sister isn’t perfect and it probably never will be. But perfection isn’t the goal. What matters is that we continue to meet each other where we are, to listen, and to adapt. Being Autistic shapes how I relate to her, but it doesn’t define the entirety of our bond. We are more than the challenges – we are siblings, with all the messiness that relationship brings.
