Pancakes, Taylor Swift and Coffee
Guest Contributor, Sasha Bellamy, shares a deeply personal insight into their experience of autistic joy.
I’m sitting in my favourite coffee shop, reading a book and sipping on an oat latte. It’s my favourite coffee shop because on Sundays, they play nonstop Taylor Swift. Taylor Swift is one of my special interests. I’m wearing my Era’s Tour hoodie that I bought from one of the London shows. I’m sitting comfortably, listening to each song that plays. The hoodie is cream, oversized, and soft. This is my autistic joy.
Each song that plays stirs up different feelings in me, some of which I can’t even name. I play the piano in my head along with the melodies, and picture the stories that her words conjure up, which are always so poetic to me.
“Here, I can be my true, Autistic self.”
A coffee shop is usually a sensory overwhelm for me. Clinking of the cups. Hissing of the milk frother. Dull chatter of people. I can still hear those things, but I’m able to tune my hearing back into the music that plays.
Here I can be my true, autistic self. I fear no judgement. Nothing else matters. In fact, the staff often comment on my hoodie, and point out the girl making coffees behind the counter, as she’s responsible for the playlist today. I smile at her, knowing we have a kinship. She sings along as she makes more drinks.
I’m here on my own today. Other days, I’m with my partner. We always get the same – pancakes. She watches me smile as I’m surrounded by my favourite things – pancakes, Taylor Swift and coffee. The only thing missing are our two precious dogs, but we’ve already taken them on their daily ‘big walk’ this morning, so they’re cosy and happy, snoozing at home.
“Taylor Swift’s music can regulate me when things feel too much.”
This is my autistic joy. Being me. Autistic joy is often described as an intense, full bodied experience of happiness. Being autistic is certainly not always easy. For me, it comes with difficulty regulating my emotions when I’m overwhelmed or over stimulated. Things often feel too much, and then I feel too much for other people. Even in our special interests, others can make us feel that our autistic joy is too much, or too childish. Taylor Swift’s music can regulate me when things feel too much. So being able to be my true self in this coffee shop, is a beautiful safe space for me. Always remember that your special interests and autistic joy should not be hidden, shameful or embarrassing, it’s something to be celebrated.
